Author: nikkigossettjustmom

I am a wife and mother to 2 children and 4 bonus children. My heart's desire was to always be a mom and God has given me that title in the most beautiful way. Although I have suffered years of infertility and still do not have any biological children, I am able to hold the title of “Mom” because God gave it to me. I became a “bonus” mom to four beautiful children in 2012 when I married the love of my life, Adam. In 2016 God saw fit to open my heart and home to become a “foster” mom and in 2017 He added another prefix of “adoptive” mom when we adopted our son. After years of heartache and not understanding the “why” behind my struggle, I have found not only the peace of God, but the beauty of the process. God has taken the broken pieces of my life and made a beautiful masterpiece from it. My motto is to live my life with the mindset of choosing to love even if it breaks my heart. Feel free to join me on my journey as I share the ups and downs along with the struggles and breakthroughs of this beautifully broken road to motherhood. I have named my blog "nikki gossett just mom" because that's who I am, just mom, no prefix needed. :)

What Do Women Want?!?

11541920_1027298953947841_4218516204155560804_nThe age-old question of what women want? This question has been asked over and over by men all over the world for decades. This particular topic was brought to me by a follower on my Facebook page, so my friend here is my not so easy answer …

There really is no answer to this question because what we should all want is what God wants for us. Unfortunately, we get so caught up in the noise of our life we never stop to consider what our creator wants for us. Scripture tells us that God knew us before he created us in our mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5, paraphrased). It also tells us that He has plans to prosper us and not harm us, to give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11, paraphrased). I would take both of these scriptures to mean that God already has our lives planned out for us, after all, He is the author of our lives. However, as carnal minded (not spiritual; merely human; temporal; worldly) people we tend to follow our own rules and do what we want instead of seeking God or His perfect will for us. This is where confusion enters our lives, while we are trying to figure “life” out God patiently waits for us to just turn to Him.

When we study scripture we can find in Genesis 2:18 that God said it was not good for man to be alone so he decided to make a suitable helper for Adam. I looked at several different translations of this scripture (NIV, NLT, NKJV, AMP, ESV, and The Message Bible), and they all used the word “helper”. The word helper is defined as a person who helps someone else. This was God’s original plan for women when he created them, to be helpers to men and not to be ruled over or made to feel inferior. Sadly a world full of sin turns a blind eye to what God’s intentions were when mankind was created.

In the essence of time, let’s just acknowledge how different today’s women are compared to the women in the Bible. Women in the Bible rarely had any say in who they dated or married as most marriages were arranged by the father. In today’s society it’s actually pretty uncommon for a man to ask for the daughter’s hand in marriage any more. Times have certainly changed and with that so has the integrity of marriage and relationships.

Marriage used to be a sacred bond between two people who pledge their lives to each other until death do them part. You didn’t live together until you were married, sex out of wedlock was completely unaccepted. Now marriage is viewed as a piece of paper and really nothing more. The divorce rate in today’s society is alarmingly high because it is so easy and accepted. Being a divorcee I can honestly say, that even I, myself entered into marriage with the mindset of “well if it doesn’t work out, divorce is always an option”. It really is sad that vows literally mean nothing when standing before God and entering into holy matrimony with someone. I am ashamed and even embarrassed that I didn’t take my vows seriously, because I had no remorse for going against the Word of God. The truth is, I didn’t even know what the Word said. Sure, I believed in God, but did I acknowledge Him as the Lord over my life? Absolutely not, because if I had, it wouldn’t have taken me so long to figure out I was completely off base with my sinful nature and ways.

I said all of that to say this … maybe we are asking the wrong question … If you ask 100 women what they want, you will most likely get 100 different answers. There is no one size fits all answer to this question. Should we instead be asking What does God want for my life? Who does God want me to build a life with? Who has God prepared for me?

When we are completely surrendered to God and His will for our lives then He will put the right people in our lives that He created just for us. The biggest thing to look for when considering someone to share your life is: Are you equally yoked? Do you believe the same things? Are you both believers or non believers? If you are believers, then do you both follow the same religion and religious practices?

You have to be looking for more than just a pretty face, because looks will fade. When all you have is looks and sex, then you will have nothing left when the inevitable signs of aging begin to take its toll as the years pass by. For most women having a baby will completely change the perfect body that you were once so proud of. If your love is contingent on a dress or jean size and a pretty face then maybe you should just stay single.

Truth be told, the kind of woman you attract will depend largely on the type of man you are. I know it is cliche to say that the good girl always falls for the bad boy, but is there really any substance there? Also, there’s the “you only want what you can’t have” type, that only looks for challenges but never has any real feelings or attachment to the other person. In both of these examples one could argue that the parties represented are lacking something in their life. That could be happiness, security, love, the feeling of acceptance, self esteem, self worth, it could be any number of things that leaves one feeling empty, unloved and unwanted. Therefore, they seek out the attention that they desire from other people and mistake the relationship for something that it isn’t. Two broken people can not have a healthy and full relationship until they both deal with whatever it is that broke them.

When we allow the baggage from our past to be brought into our current relationship and not fully unpack it and put it away, it will eventually cause problems. Don’t allow what hurt you to keep you from something great that God wants to give you. Focus on what He wants for your life and He will send something great to you. Good relationships don’t just happen … they are work! You will get out of it what you put into it. Put God first and the rest will fall into place.

There are several resources that are great for relationships, maybe check out some books and evaluate who you are first before you try to be something to someone else =)

Here are a few recommendations:

The Five Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman

The Love Dare by Alex and Stephen Kendrick

Maximized Manhood by Edwin Louis Cole

Note: This blog is a place where I will always do my best to glorify God and His Word. As a wife and mother and servant to God, my goal is to base my writing on the Word of God and not solely on just my opinion. My opinions expressed in this entry are just that, my opinions, and not based on anything outside of my own personal beliefs and convictions. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, because we can always agree to disagree with absolutely no hard feelings. My job is to love and encourage in spite of our differences. Regardless of where you are spiritually, know that I love you and I am praying for you. I pass no judgement because I am in no position or place to judge. God has shown me such grace and mercy from my past that I live my life to please Him and only Him. 

Father God, I ask that you take these words that You have given me and let them be received in a loving manner, free of judgment. I pray that Your Word will resonate in the hearts of those who read this post. Soften the hearts of your children so that they can readily accept the love that You so freely give to us. Help us all recognize our worth in Your eyes, You created each and every one of us on purpose with a purpose.

Romans 5:8 New King James Version (NKJV)

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Photo Credit: Lynda Lane ~ Ooh Soo Glamorous Photography

 

About Me:

Gossett1

Hello Beautiful People and welcome to my little corner of the world. God has placed a desire in my heart to share my story and testimony, so I am being obedient to His calling and stepping out in faith knowing that He will take care of the rest. I am praying that this blog will help bring others to a place of peace in their lives.

Let me start out by introducing my self, my name is Nikki and I am married to the most incredible man on the planet. Together we have been trusted with the lives of 6 amazing children to teach, grow, mold and lead in the ways of the Lord. As more posts are shared I will give more details about our family dynamic that will answer some questions that you all may have. I chose to name this blog: Nikki Gossett Just Mom, because I struggled with being identified as a mom since I do not have any children biologically. I do all the same things a mother does, I love them, care for them, cook for them, take care of their basic needs, correct them, support them, guide them, advise them, encourage them, pray for them etc. So why didn’t I feel like I was deserving of the title “Mom”?

That is somewhat of a loaded question because when I became a mother figure it was in December of 2012 when I married Adam. He brought into our marriage 4 beautiful children from his previous marriage and I became a “step” mom. In our family, we don’t particularly care for the term “step-mom” or “stepchildren”, so we refer to each other as a bonus mom and bonus babies. I loved these kids with everything I had, but the reality was, I would never take the place of their mom, nor did I have any desire to. So I was in the role of a mother figure but never considered myself their mom. Mother’s Day was always so confusing to me, and a day that always brought a ton of emotion and tears for me. You see I have dealt with infertility my entire adult life and not being able to conceive a child was devastating. It was extremely hard to love these kids as my own, but knowing in my heart that they were not “mine” and that I would always take a back seat to the woman that gave birth to them (as I should).

There were many nights of tears and hurt feelings and just anger and frustration that I had dealt with for 15 years already.  Adam, bless his heart, did all he could do to make me feel better, but feeling completely helpless had no idea what to do for me. We talked to an adoption agency, we discussed other options and even met with a young couple looking for someone to potentially adopt their unborn son. After we found out that the couple had decided against adoption we were back to square one and no closer to the answer we had been praying for. It was at this time that I begged God to not send anyone else to us with a potential adoption offer if it was not from Him and of Him.

It was November 2015 when we started to really seek God and His will for our lives. We began to get involved in church and surrounded ourselves with people who challenged us to grow as they prayed for us and with us. On Easter Sunday of 2016, I had a sister in Christ come to me about an unborn baby and asked if we would be interested in opening our home and heart to this child if the opportunity arose. My immediate response was “of course”, but I later had to remind myself to not get excited until I had some time alone with God to pray and remind Him of my previous request to keep all adoption possibilities at bay if they weren’t from Him.

On May 21, 2016, I rededicated my life and got rebaptized because I wanted to live my life for God and for Him only. Since that day, my world has been a whirlwind. Just 6 days after my baptism we brought the most precious baby girl into our home. It was this moment that led us to become foster parents. On this day I added another prefix to my “mom” role and became a “foster mom”. If you want to talk about an emotional roller coaster, that is a testimony you will want to catch. Fast forward to the following year 2017 on Easter weekend again, we receive a call about an unborn baby whose mom is seeking an adoptive family. We welcomed our son into the world in June of 2017 and his adoption became final in November of that same year. This is where I added another prefix to my mom role and became an “adoptive mom”.

After 18 years of desiring to become a mom, I now hold that title in a variety of ways. However, I have decided to not dwell on the prefix of “bonus, foster, or adoptive” because the reality is I am a mother, regardless of the prefix. That is what led me to the title of this blog, while I may be a bonus mom, a foster mom, and an adoptive mom … I’m still just a mom. So welcome to Nikki Gossett Just Mom, I hope my story and testimony can help you find some peace and comfort in knowing that you are not alone. If you are a step “bonus” mom I hope you can find common ground and a mutual respect to co-parent your children. If you are a foster mom, I pray for your heart and understand every ounce of emotion that you face each day. If you are an adoptive mom, I know your heart is full and the joys of motherhood are not taken for granted as you nurture the little soul that God chose for you. For those of you who are still waiting for your arms to be filled and continue to fight the battle of infertility, I especially pray for you. I completely understand your struggle and heartache. May God bless you all richly as you grow closer to Him during your times of frustration and just not understanding. One of my favorite scriptures that I stand on consistently is Isaiah 55:8-9:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Thanks for Visiting!

This is the post excerpt.

Thank You for visiting my page. It is my prayer that you can somehow find hope and comfort as you read the entries that are posted. My life is far from perfect but every ounce of pain has been with a purpose and every test has led me to a beautiful testimony.  Find peace in knowing that you are not alone in your struggles and know that you are loved without fail by a heavenly father. His grace is sufficient and it is never too late to turn your life around and live for Him. All that I am and all that I do, I do to the glory of God because He is the one that I desire to please. Please take a look at the “About Me” section for a glimpse into my “why” behind this blog.

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